Chapter Three - How NOT to start selling your house - Adult Content

Having had 3 valuations of 3 Falmouth Road just 4 weeks ago I decided to look at some affordable and desirable homes. I installed the Rightmove app on my phone and the search became more addictive. I decided to narrow my search to houses which I can realistically afford and discovered that there are in fact a handful of houses for sale which could tick all the necessary boxes, ie :

Box 1 -  must cost less than £300,000

Box 2 -  must be within walking distance of the children's schools and the Gloucester Road

Box 3 - must have 3 bedrooms

Box 4 - must have a good aspect.

Box 5 - must have some wow factor.

Box 6 - must have lovely neighbours.....

I started to view what was available and after just 3 short weeks I found myself looking around a dream home. I made an offer very close to the asking price almost immediately. To be in with any chance of securing this dream house I had to act swiftly to sell my own. Ocean estate agents were very happy to start marketing my house and they literally swooped in the next morning at 9am to take photographs and measurements.

And so the marketing began !

At 1.50pm on that very first day the first prospective purchasers arrived. I had been madly stuffing clutter into cupboards and filled my camper van with as much stuff as I could manage in the few short hours available. In fact I was still running around the house when they arrived - 5 minutes early ( a good sign I thought ). I let them into the house and quickly disappeared into the garden to seek refuge with my next door neighbours, Gaby and Tom, who were having a lovely relaxed  sunny Saturday afternoon reading the Guardian in their own garden.

 Gaby was aware that there were people looking around the house and Tom was engrossed in an article in the Guardian's Weekend magazine. Just a few minutes later I saw the estate agent and prospective purchasers step out out of my french doors onto the garden deck to admire my lovely garden. At the same moment Tom told us that he was reading about some bloke having a  "WANK" !!! Gaby and I looked suitably horrified and Tom explained that he was reading an article about "SEX TOYS" !! My eyes almost popped out of my head as I desperately tried to salvage the situation and said "THE WEEKEND MAGAZINE IS ALWAYS VERY INTERESTING."  Tom was oblivious to what had happened until I explained it to him a little later when I had recovered from the shock and was sure that the prospective purchasers had left. Tom then suggested that maybe he could demonstrate his own wanking skills to the next prospective buyers and we giggled.....a LOT !